I've gotten word through a common friend.
She does not want me to wait. It's over.
She does not want me to wait. It's over.
For us two, there is no kinder tomorrow.
2014-07-29
2014-07-28
Voicemail
I called her cellphone. Straight to voice mail.
I called their home number. Got the answering machine.
Hopefully they'll get back to me. They said they would in the recorded message.
Somehow I doubt it.
Her e-mail address doesn't exist any more either. Her whole Google account went bye-bye at 14:47 today.
I'm getting desperate for a kinder tomorrow.
I called their home number. Got the answering machine.
Hopefully they'll get back to me. They said they would in the recorded message.
Somehow I doubt it.
Her e-mail address doesn't exist any more either. Her whole Google account went bye-bye at 14:47 today.
I'm getting desperate for a kinder tomorrow.
It's not working
I've been trying to keep my hopes up.
I've been trying to look for the dawn on the horizon.
I've been trying to be patient.
I've been trying to be understanding of why her parents have reacted as they have.
I've been trying to wait.
It's not working.
When you've resorted to googling for obituaries, it's clearly time to take different actions for a kinder tomorrow.
I've been trying to look for the dawn on the horizon.
I've been trying to be patient.
I've been trying to be understanding of why her parents have reacted as they have.
I've been trying to wait.
It's not working.
When you've resorted to googling for obituaries, it's clearly time to take different actions for a kinder tomorrow.
2014-07-26
Holding my breath
An e-mail came in earlier.
It was just some newsletter, borderline spam, but it still happened. I've got it set up so any high priority e-mail makes a different sound, and anything connected to her is very high priority. Even with the low priority sound I still held my breath from the sound to having read the sender.
Every time my computer makes an unexpected sound, or my phone makes any sound at all, it's like a jolt of electricity. I expected that to drop off after a couple of days, but in stead it's getting stronger.
I miss her so much.
We'll be together in a kinder tomorrow.
It was just some newsletter, borderline spam, but it still happened. I've got it set up so any high priority e-mail makes a different sound, and anything connected to her is very high priority. Even with the low priority sound I still held my breath from the sound to having read the sender.
Every time my computer makes an unexpected sound, or my phone makes any sound at all, it's like a jolt of electricity. I expected that to drop off after a couple of days, but in stead it's getting stronger.
I miss her so much.
We'll be together in a kinder tomorrow.
Phonecall
After sorting out the mess with the flowers I decided I had to find out what the damage is on my phone bill. It turns out that calling the US is very affordable, right on the edge of being cheap. In fact, it's only marginally more expensive than calling a cell phone right here in Sweden. I pay the same to talk across the Atlantic as if I call my parents in Norway!
That has me thinking down a very winding road. I want to give Mr. B a call. Maybe, if I can get in touch with him, we can work something out?
No, I don't really believe that any more, but I have to at least try.
I sent an e-mail and I sent flowers. He's got to know by now that I'm not going to just slink away down a dark hole and be gone. Calling is the next logical step in a very illogical situation, but I have to think this through.
What are the consequences for her if I call? Will it make her life even harder? He couldn't possibly hold her responsible for my actions, could he?
I know her very well, but I only know him by his online persona and through what she has told me of him. It's clear that she cares deeply about her father, and I don't want to upset that.
Quite frankly, I don't think I'm not the one damaging that right now. He is.
This is such a mess. All I want is a kinder tomorrow.
That has me thinking down a very winding road. I want to give Mr. B a call. Maybe, if I can get in touch with him, we can work something out?
No, I don't really believe that any more, but I have to at least try.
I sent an e-mail and I sent flowers. He's got to know by now that I'm not going to just slink away down a dark hole and be gone. Calling is the next logical step in a very illogical situation, but I have to think this through.
What are the consequences for her if I call? Will it make her life even harder? He couldn't possibly hold her responsible for my actions, could he?
I know her very well, but I only know him by his online persona and through what she has told me of him. It's clear that she cares deeply about her father, and I don't want to upset that.
Quite frankly, I don't think I'm not the one damaging that right now. He is.
This is such a mess. All I want is a kinder tomorrow.
2014-07-25
Refusal
The "unforeseen circumstances" were that the flowers were refused.
That means that at least they got there to be refused, so hopefully at least the message that I'm still here was delivered. It's impossible for me to time delivery in such a way that it can be guaranteed that she will get them, and that the flowers are not intercepted by her parents.
Another possibility haunts me, and that is that she did get them, and it was her that refused the flowers. I see no reason for her to do so, but it is a possibility, and just imagining it almost makes me panic.
I don't think she would give up so easily, and there are a number of reasons for her to reject the flowers beside not wanting my attention.
If she does tell me she wants nothing to do with me, I will leave her alone, of course. I'm sticking around mostly because she specifically told me to. I've made a commitment to her, and I'm not walking away from that.
I have to believe she is also hanging on for a kinder tomorrow.
That means that at least they got there to be refused, so hopefully at least the message that I'm still here was delivered. It's impossible for me to time delivery in such a way that it can be guaranteed that she will get them, and that the flowers are not intercepted by her parents.
Another possibility haunts me, and that is that she did get them, and it was her that refused the flowers. I see no reason for her to do so, but it is a possibility, and just imagining it almost makes me panic.
I don't think she would give up so easily, and there are a number of reasons for her to reject the flowers beside not wanting my attention.
If she does tell me she wants nothing to do with me, I will leave her alone, of course. I'm sticking around mostly because she specifically told me to. I've made a commitment to her, and I'm not walking away from that.
I have to believe she is also hanging on for a kinder tomorrow.
Broken promises
I paid good money to have flowers delivered to her right away, express delivery.
Then I got an e-mail saying they couldn't deliver due to unforeseen circumstances. I've made inquiries as to what happened, but they haven't gotten back to me. I must have spent $50 just trying to get it sorted over the phone.
Then I got an e-mail saying they couldn't deliver due to unforeseen circumstances. I've made inquiries as to what happened, but they haven't gotten back to me. I must have spent $50 just trying to get it sorted over the phone.
It's like the forces of global economics won't let me tell her I'm still working for a kinder tomorrow.
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